Unfortunately I'm not too good at giving constructive criticism, but I'll do my best. I honestly enjoyed this short story, but I found it difficult to get into. Once I did, however, I was enthralled to keep going. There is certainly a universe here with layers and depth and that truly is commendable. I enjoyed the descriptions and the antagonistic presence of Cyrus and Hugo, once I understood more of what was happening. I feel like the simple fact that you have a universe fleshed out in your head so well is more than half the battle and I certainly applaud that.
Thank you so much for the input and the compliments. I agree that I have a bit of a time trying to get things out there because of the amount of info I have in my head for it and how much of that translates to page. I hope you give Haxprocess and Death Whispers a try as both of those exist and interact in the same world. Thanks again Conri